10 Red Flags to Watch Out For in a New Relationship
The early stages of a relationship can be exciting. So exciting that we might miss some warning signs telling us that something is not right. These warning signs or “red flags” can be subtle and easy to overlook, but if we can spot them early on, we can avoid heartaches, wasted time, or other problems down the road.
In this article, we’ll talk about some common red flags and how to spot them. We’ll also give you tips on what to do if you notice them.
1. Inconsistent Communication
Open and consistent communication is important and tells a lot about how someone values you and the relationship. If one person is frequently unresponsive for long periods, always too busy, or cancels plans without good reason, it’s a sign that they don’t respect or prioritize you or the relationship. This doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, but it means that they’re not as interested in the relationship as you are.
How to handle it: Talk about your concerns directly but calmly. Share your expectations and see if they’re open to adjusting their behaviour. If they don’t change, consider whether you’re okay with this level of engagement long-term.
2. Disregarding Boundaries
In a healthy relationship, both partners acknowledge and respect each other’s boundaries. If someone you’re dating consistently crosses your boundaries, whether physical or emotional, this could be a major red flag. For example, if they pressure you into things you’re uncomfortable with, ignore your need for personal space, or get upset when you say “no” to them, it’s a sign that they may not respect you. This can make you feel drained over time.
How to handle it: Communicate your boundaries early on, and consistently. If they continue to ignore them, it might be time to consider if they really respect you, or if the relationship is right for you.
3. Excessive Jealousy or Control
A little jealousy can be cute or even flattering, but if it becomes excessive and controlling, it’s a major red flag. If your partner is constantly checking up on you, questioning who you’re with, or even trying to isolate you from friends or family, it’s a sign of insecurity that can lead to toxic behaviour down the road. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust, not control.
How to handle it: Address these behaviours directly by reinforcing your need for independence and privacy. If they resist, or they continue to show controlling behaviour, you may need to ask yourself if you are able to tolerate this behaviour in a long-term relationship.
4. Unpredictable Mood Swings
We all have off days and it’s normal to have ups and downs. But if your partner frequently has extreme and unpredictable mood swings, it might be a sign of something deeper. It’s one thing to have bad days once in a while, but it’s another thing to feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time, never knowing how your partner will behave.
A healthy relationship should provide a sense of security and stability. If you find yourself constantly having to worry about your partner’s mood or feeling emotionally drained, it might be time to consider whether you want to remain in the relationship.
How to handle it: Trust your feelings. If you find yourself constantly feeling uneasy or anxious trying to predict your partner’s next mood, you may need to consider if you want to remain in the relationship. Your emotional well-being is important.
5. Lack of Accountability
Everyone makes mistakes, it’s a normal part of being human. But in a healthy relationship, both partners own up to their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. It’s about being honest, taking accountability, and working together to find solutions.
If your partner constantly refuses to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes, it’s a sign of emotional immaturity and a clear red flag. This can be seen in small things, like refusing to apologize even when they’ve made an obvious mistake, or larger issues, like refusing to discuss serious issues affecting the relationship. Over time, this behaviour can lead to frustration, distrust and resentment.
How to handle it: Try to have calm, open conversations about your concerns, letting them know how their behaviour makes you feel. If they continue to refuse to take responsibility, you might need to re-evaluate the relationship.
6. Moving Too Quickly (Love-Bombing)
It’s exciting to meet someone new and feel a strong connection. But sometimes people can display excessive affection too soon. This can be seen in things like pushing for exclusivity too early, making unnecessary promises, or even talking about moving in together to pressure you to commit before you’re ready.
Such behaviours are known as “love-bombing”, and they can make it difficult to identify compatibility issues or truly get to know the person. It may also signal that they’re more interested in control than a genuine connection.
How to handle It: If something feels off, it probably is. Take your time and don’t rush into anything. Discuss your feelings and express your need to take things slow. If they don’t adjust their behaviour, it’s not a healthy relationship. Prioritize your well-being and consider ending the relationship.
7. Overemphasis on Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is a natural and important part of a healthy relationship. But when it becomes the main focus, it can be a sign of a deeper issue. If your partner is mainly interested in physical intimacy, it might be a sign that they’re not looking for a deep connection.
Some red flags to watch for include: most of your interactions seem to revolve around physical intimacy, with little or no emotional connection, or your emotional needs are consistently overlooked or dismissed
How to handle it: Talk to your partner about your need for a deeper emotional connection. If they’re not willing to listen or change, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
8. Dishonesty or Manipulative Behaviour
Honesty is important for a healthy relationship. While everyone makes mistakes sometimes, if you notice your partner is frequently caught in lies, manipulating you into questioning your own reality (gaslighting), or consistently saying one thing and doing another, it’s a serious red flag. These behaviours can affect your self-esteem and create a toxic environment for you.
How to handle it: If you recognize these behaviours, it’s important to address them—Don’t tolerate dishonesty or manipulation. Clearly communicate your concerns and expectations. If they’re not willing to change, it might be time to move on from the relationship. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust and mutual respect.
9. Disrespectful Communication
How someone talks to you and others says a lot about who they are. Negativity, whether subtle or overt, can erode your self-esteem over time. A partner who constantly disrespects you does not truly care about your feelings. Here are some red flags to watch out for:
- Always finds fault with you
- Constantly talks down at you
- Makes you feel inferior or makes jokes at your expense
These behaviours lead to an unhealthy relationship that will damage your self-esteem over time.
How to handle it: If you notice these signs, it’s important to address them. If something they say makes you feel uncomfortable, communicate openly about how it makes you feel. If the behaviour continues, it’s a sign that the relationship may not be the right one for you.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and positive communication.
10. Lack of Emotional Availability
Emotional connection is important for a relationship to feel secure and meaningful. If your partner consistently avoids deep conversations, does not express their feelings, or just feels emotionally distant, it could be a sign of emotional unavailability. This makes it difficult to build a strong emotional connection.
Emotional unavailability often comes from existing issues that prevent them from forming deep connections, like past traumas, fear of intimacy, or simply lack emotional maturity. While it’s important to be patient and understanding, it’s also important to recognize when you’re feeling emotionally disconnected, or the relationship feels one-sided.
How to handle it: Gently encourage open communication, and talk about your need for emotional connection. But if they continue to avoid the topic, or nothing changes, you might need to ask yourself if this relationship is right for you.
Why It’s Important to Spot Red Flags Early
If you notice red flags, don’t ignore it or hope it will disappear—it’s a sign that something might not be right in the relationship. It doesn’t mean you need to end the relationship immediately, but you need to have a conversation about your concerns—sometimes talking about it can help. Approach your partner calmly and discuss the issue without blame or accusation. Use “I” statements to express how you feel (e.g., “I feel uncomfortable when…”).
The earlier you recognize these signs, the easier it is to either address them or walk away before investing too deeply in a relationship that may not be right for you. But don’t ignore your gut if something feels wrong. Spotting red flags early helps you make informed choices before getting too invested in a relationship that might not be healthy or satisfying.
You’re not alone in this. If you need someone to talk to, reach out to a trusted friend or family member. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself.
