How to Identify the Qualities You Want in a Partner: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself
Figuring out if you’re looking for the right partner can be overwhelming. We all want that perfect match, but it’s easy to be excited about meeting someone new and get caught up in looks or what society says we should want. So how do you know if what you’re searching for is actually what you need in a relationship?
The truth is, it’s not about finding someone who ticks every box. It’s about understanding what you really need and making sure your search aligns with that. Here are five questions to help you figure out if you’re looking for the right person.
1. What do I really want in a relationship?
Your core values are the foundation of a solid relationship. They influence who you are, how you live, and what you care about most. These values affect everything, from how you communicate, to how you handle conflicts, and even how you spend your time. If you and your partner don’t share the same core values, it can cause problems down the road.
So, what do you really want? Companionship? Love? Support? Being clear about what matters most to you will help you find someone who shares the same values.
Action step: Write down your top five values and see if the qualities you’re looking for in a partner reflect those values. If they don’t, it might be time to rethink your priorities.
Question 2: What are my deal-breakers?
While it’s important to stay open-minded when dating, you also need to know your deal-breakers — those things you will not accept in a relationship. It could be anything from lifestyle choices to core values or even personal boundaries. If you’re not clear on these with yourself, you might end up compromising on things that are really important to you in the long run.
Action step: Make a list of your top 3-5 deal-breakers and keep them in mind while dating. This will save you time, and help you avoid potential issues later on.
3. In what areas can I be flexible?
Not everything in a relationship needs to be set in stone. While some things are non-negotiable, others might require some flexibility. Maybe you and your potential partner don’t have the same hobbies or don’t see eye to eye on where to live. A successful relationship involves finding a balance that works for both of you.
But remember, being flexible doesn’t mean giving up who you are. It’s about compromise, not necessarily sacrifice. If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Just make sure to consider whether it’s something you can work with.
Action step: Take another look at your core values and deal-breakers. Figure out where you can be flexible and where you can’t. Knowing this ahead of time will make compromises a lot easier to handle.
Question 4: Am I attracted to the person for who they are, not just what they can offer?
It’s easy to be attracted to what someone has, like a fun lifestyle, a great job, or a high social status. But those things are external. What really matters is who they are at their core.
Do you like their character? Are they kind, reliable, and trustworthy? Or are you more focused on their looks and what they can offer you? Physical attraction is important, but real relationships are built on deeper things, like mutual respect, emotional support, and genuine interest in things that concern each other. Looks and status may catch your eye, but what lasts is who they are as a person.
Action step: When getting to know someone, focus on how they treat you and others. Pay attention to their character and values to see if they align with yours.
5. Am I looking for what I want or what others expect from me?
It’s easy to get caught up in what society or your friends and family expect from you. But remember, you’re the one in the relationship, not them. So, it’s important to make sure you’re looking for someone who makes you happy, not just someone who ticks all the boxes for other people.
While it’s okay to consider advice from others, ultimately, your happiness and overall well-being should come first. So you need to make sure that your relationship goals are based on what you really want, and not influenced by outside pressures.The person you choose should match your own preferences and not those of other people.
Action step: Take some time to reflect on what you want in a relationship. Make sure your goals are based on your own values and preferences, not just what looks good to others.
Conclusion: Trust Yourself
At the end of the day, finding the right partner isn’t about ticking every box on a list for the “perfect” person. It’s about finding someone whose values align with yours, who you can grow with, and who makes you feel good. If something feels wrong, trust your instincts.
Remember, no one’s perfect. It’s about finding someone whose imperfections you can live with, and whose goals fit with yours. Trust yourself, be patient, and keep these questions in mind — and you’ll be on your way to finding a meaningful, lasting relationship.
